My friends, they love my intelligence
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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