he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
