She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
