Plan B is the new Plan A
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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