I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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