there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
