everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize