i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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