drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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