What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
