y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
