does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
