I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Randomize