had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
