i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
