Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
