I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
