He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
