These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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