i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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