dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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