went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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