with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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