"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
