Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize