ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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