How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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