Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
