So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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