You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
