last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize