Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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