i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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