He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
