Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
