if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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