eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
