I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
