I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
