I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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