he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
