Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
