Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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