Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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