Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
