Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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