How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
