I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
