I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
