You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
