it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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