I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
