for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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