Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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