Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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