My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
