Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
