Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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