Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was confusing and full of hummus
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
