The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
