just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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