was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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