We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
