I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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