I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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