you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
