dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
