I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
