Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
