anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize