just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I met the friendliest cop last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I could fuck to npr.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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