I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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