Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
