I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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