Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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