i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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