got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
