; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
