??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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