Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
