Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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