a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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