They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
