i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
