I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
40s are totally the cure
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
