you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
love makes seman taste better
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
