I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
