Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
