A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
