Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
