I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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