Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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