apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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