yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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