My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
