Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Found the puke drawer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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