I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
