in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
