She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
