im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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