dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
