i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
