She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
