I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize