Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
