Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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